6 Keys to Unlock Your Best Marriage (The Blueprint)

Why don’t people connect with God?

Because they’re distracted by their problems. They’re struggling in their marriage or they’re struggling with their health or they’re struggling financially or they’re struggling within society. They’re struggling with mental health.

If we can learn how to address these different types of problems through the sanctuary, beloved, we not only have food for the fish, but we have something that they can see and practically draw them to Jesus Christ.

So let’s talk about marriage.

You’re here today because you may be struggling in the sea of relational health. And you want to know how in the world is God’s way in a sanctuary, gonna help you in your marriage?

That’s what you want to know. How can I have a better marriage?

Maybe you’re getting ready to be married. How can I make sure that my marriage is the best that it can be?

And so that’s what we’re going to be talking about. And we’re gonna begin right now.

Six steps to a strong and lasting marriage

What is marriage?

Marriage is the legal or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship, a man, the union of two people, according to Ephesians 5:31, the Bible says.

For this cause, shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined up to his wife and they, two, shall be one flesh.

They, two, shall be one flesh. That is key, beloved.
One flesh.

So what is marriage? Marriage means to be one.

Or we could say marriage means to be in a state of oneness.

Or we could say marriage is a state of at-onement.

I know what you’re thinking right now. Hey, Pastor, that’s word sounds very familiar. It sounds like the word atonement.

What is atonement?

Atonement means or denotes unity or reconciliation.

That’s what the word means. Atonement at-one-ment. In other words, if we want a strong marriage, we must aim for at-one-ment or atonement.

God has a way to marriage.

Psalm 77:13.

Thy way oh God is in the sanctuary. Who is so great a God as our God?

Did Jesus have problems in his marriage?

Yes.

Jesus had marital problems. His bride’s sin. Because all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

So watch this. What did Jesus use? What does Jesus use to fix His marriage?

He uses this sanctuary to fix His marriage.

So if Jesus uses the sanctuary to fix his marriage. Do you think we might actually be smart to use the sanctuary to help make our marriages stronger, or to fix our marriages?

Of course that would be wise.

Here we have a diagram of the sanctuary, and I’m going to show you that in the sanctuary, there were three compartments.

There was the outer court, the holy place, and the Most Holy Place.

An Outer Court Relationship

The first thing we need to learn is how to master an outer court relationship.

Let me break this down for you, beloved.

The height of a marriage experience is a most holy place experience, a most holy place relationship.

That’s what we’re aiming for.

But before we can have a most holy place relationship, we must have a strong outer court relationship.

What does it mean to have a strong out-of-court court relationship? Let’s begin with the altar of sacrifice.

The Altar of Sacrifice

The altar of sacrifice symbolized self-sacrificing love. That’s where the lamb was slain day by day. That sacrificial act pointed to Christ, who would die for our sins.

God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son.

The altar of sacrifice represents something very important to us. Let’s look at these articles. That was the altar sacrifice.

There was the laver representing purity, the washing away of sins.

There was a table of shewbread representing the bread of the presence. The body of Christ.

There was the altar of incense representing prayer or communion with God.

There was the seventh branch candlestick representing light and fire.

And then there was the Ark of the Covenant, which symbolized the law of God.

So let’s go back to this outercourt relationship and the altar of sacrifice.

What is sacrifice?

When the Bible says in Exodus 29:38.

Now, this is that which thou shall offer upon the altar two lambs of the first year, day by day, continually.

The Hebrew word used there is tamid. It means continually.

Tamid simply meant that every day a sacrifice was to be given.

Every day.

A sacrifice was to be made. It was daily, continually. Tamid.

How does that translate into my marriage? Very simple, beloved. The Bible says in John 15, verse 13, it says,

Greater love has no man than this, than a man lay down his life for his friends.

If you want a strong marriage, you must exercise the principle of self-sacrificing love.

If I want a strong marriage, the altar of sacrifice must be working in my marriage.

So I want you to audit your marriage. Ask yourselves questions like this.

This is what it means to exercise the principle of self-sacrificing love. But the problem in many of our marriages is this. The altar of sacrifice is not working.

If the altar of sacrifice is not working in your marriage, then you experience selfishness with one another instead of self-sacrificing love.

I want you to ask yourself a question in your marriage today. Is the altar of sacrifice working?

If it’s not. Don’t expect to experience anything above.

Don’t expect to experience the laver or the table shewbread or the altar of incense or this or the candlestick or the ark of the covenant.

If the basic principle of self-sacrificing love is not in your marriage, if you’re experiencing selfishness versus selflessness, then you can just scratch everything else.

You’re trying to get to the Ark of the Covenant in your marriage.

What is marriage? It is a covenant. What happens in the most holy place? It is a place where at-one-ment occurs.

But you cannot just go straight into the most holy place.

You have to go through the blueprint pattern. You have to start at the altar of sacrifice.

When Jesus came into this world to take upon our sins. What did he do?

He took upon our sins. He became our substitute. What does that mean, substitute? It means he put himself in our place.

So what does it mean to be self-sacrificing? It’s to put yourself in your spouse’s place.

We have a word for that is called empathy.

You want to put yourself in your spouse’s place. It is a principle of empathy. The Bible says in Hebrews 415,

for we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feelings of our infirmities. But wasn’t all points tented like as we are yet without sin?

Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, and we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

The reason we can do this, beloved, the reason we can come to the throne of Grace is because Jesus empathize with us. He put himself in our position. He tried. He took upon himself our feelings. He was our substitute,

What I’m trying to tell you is what you need to enter into your spouse’s thoughts and feelings in order to better serve him or her.

How would she feel about this? How would he feel about this? This is what it means to be so self-sacrificing. You’re substituting and putting yourself in your spouse’s place.

Practice the principle of self-sacrifice.

Guys, that’s what we need to do. So I want you to do this. Think like this. What are my spouses’ needs?
How can I support you better?
How can I proactively be a blessing to my spouse?

The Bible says in Isaiah 65:24

And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.

That’s self-sacrificing love. It’s proactive blessing.

How can I think ahead to bless my spouse?

Only by love is love awakened.

When you start proactively blessing your spouse I’m telling you, it is a game changer.

Be proactive in your self sacrificing spirit. And if you don’t have it watch Jesus because that’s how you get it.

Jesus helped me to be more like you. Help me to be like the lamb who was slain. Help me to self sacrifice for the good of my spouse.

The Laver

The laver represented the washing away of sins. It represented forgiveness.

The Bible says in 1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful. And just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

This is what forgiveness does. Forgiveness allows us to let go of the past. So here’s the problem in many of our marriages. The laver is broken.

And the reason the laver doesn’t work is because the altar of sacrifice isn’t working.

So because I’m experiencing selfishness versus selflessness, I don’t want to forgive. So what ends up happening?

Check this out. I hold on to yesterday’s old arguments.

You ever do that? (Don’t raise your hand.)

“Why are you mad?”
“Because of the argument we had last month.”

We don’t know how to forgive. So now I hold on to old arguments. It’s hard for me to let go of little grievances.

If the labor isn’t working, don’t expect to go any further in the sanctuary. Don’t expect to make it to at-one-ment.

Because while you might be two people living in the same house. You’re two people. You’re not one. Atonement has not occurred. The two have not become one.

Forgiveness becomes easier when we master the altar of self-sacrifice. Put yourself in their place. Enter into their place. Put yourself on the altar and enter into your spouse’s place.

Empathize.

Lay it on the altar.

When you do this, beloved forgiveness becomes easier. Don’t get me wrong, I know that there are some things that are challenging to forgive. But remember, Jesus forgave us of all of our sins.

If you two are in a marriage and you’re saying, hey, we need to make this thing work, then guess what? You need to master the art of sacrifice and you need to master the laver.

Because if you don’t master those practices, if the laver is not working, all you’re going to experience is bitterness instead of forgiveness. Resentment instead of forgiveness.

If the laver is not working, you can’t wash that stuff out of your marriage. You can’t wash bitterness and resentment.

You hold on to minuscule things and you cannot advance. You can’t move further in the marriage.

You can’t experience oneness because the altar of sacrifice is broken or the laver is broken or both are broken and you’re stuck in a malfunctioning outercourt relationship.

If we fail at an out-of-court relationship, we cannot enter into a holy place relationship.

Listen, an out-of-court relationship is just the beginning.

And for those of you who are dating…

Do NOT seek a most holy place style relationship when you have not yet gone through the proper channels of the Outer Court and the holy place.

You shouldn’t experience at-one-ment in the outer court.

A Holy Place Relationship

What is a holy place relationship?

We’re going to begin with a table of shewbread or we’re going to see the table of fellowship. What is the table of shewbread? It’s where the bread of the presence was.

The Bible says Leviticus 24, verse 8.
Every Sabbath, he shall set it in order before the Lord continually (tamid) being taken from the children of Israel by an ever lasting covenant

Acts two verse 42 gives us the fulfillment of this, it says,

and they continued steadfastly in the Apostles doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread and prayers.

And we know that they did this daily.

They fellowshipped daily.

The Bread of Presence

The table of shewbread represents your fellowship with one another. Your connecting time.

If you are not fellowshipping hanging out, doing things together—your table to shewbread is not working.

Don’t expect to go further in your marriage.

But if you rightly self-sacrifice and if you rightly forgive, then the table of shewbread is going to start working.

During the pandemic I hear too many spouses saying,
“I am trapped in the house with my spouse.“

Trapped in the house with your spouse.?

That that means the laver or something’s not working.

We should be enjoying one another’s company. Not trying to get away from one another. Where are the two shall become one?

I want you to start troubleshooting your marriage.

You should be able to say, this altar of sacrifice seems to be working. The laver seems to be working. And if those things are working, then the fellowship is going to begin to come and come naturally.

Notice that the idea of empathy or substitution follows all the way through the blueprint pattern.

Put yourself in your spouse’s place.

“What do you like to do? I’m gonna start liking what you like to do. Hey, I might not love it, but I’m a start to at least appreciate it. So you like doing what? Okay. Come on. We’re gonna go biking together. I really hate biking, but because you love it, I’m gonna do that with you.”

Learn how to empathize.

Come on. Let’s do this together. You enjoy doing this. Let’s do this. But that’s self-sacrificing love manifesting itself in very practical ways.

So at the table of fellowship, I am learning the likes and dislikes of my spouse. I’m learning to appreciate what my spouse loves. I’m learning to show interest in what my spouse is into.

And if the table is not working you are doing damage to your own marriage because you’re not experiencing at-one-ment.

The Altar of Incense

The altar of incense symbolized prayer. For marriage it’s going to symbolize our communion with one another, our deep innermost communion. Exodus thirty verse seven. The Bible says

and shall burn their own sweet incense every morning./ /When he dresses the lamps, he shall burn incense upon it.

This was also a tamid principle.

And when Aaron lighteth the lamps at even, he shall burn incense upon it, a perpetual (tamid) incense before the LORD throughout your generations.

I want you to notice that word. Tamid keeps popping up. It means daily, continually. You can’t sacrifice today. This week. Hey, I was sacrificing to you today, so I don’t have to do anything else for you the rest of the week or the rest of the month or the rest of the year.

No. These are principles occur tamid. Daily.

Look, I need to have an openness of heart. You need to experience a sharing of your innermost fears, your innermost desires, your innermost communication.

Steps the Christ page 93.

Prayer is the opening of the heart to God as to a friend.

When in this context I’m saying you need to learn how to open up to your spouse to have open communication because without this there cannot be at-one-minute.

I need you to keep this in mind because we’re going to come to something that’s going to blow your mind.

Listen, we want to learn how to empathize with one another’s deepest emotions.

This is a principle of substitution. It’s putting yourself in your spouse’s place. And that is key as you will see here in a moment.

But for many of us, the altar of incense is not working.

“You don’t share your heart with me.”

And so there is this separation. So while we are married, there is still this…

This is my business. And that’s your business.”

And the two are not one.

The Candlestick (Menorah)

You see, the candlestick, beloved was all about fire. And if you’ve heard any of my sermons, when I talk about fire, you know, I’m going to tell you that fire represents love. The Love of God.

According to Song of Solomon, Chapter 8.

Many Waters Cannot Quench Love.

And that is a description of passion. Read carefully.

Passion. Passion.

Passion is not a curse word.

Love is a principle. I get that.

But you’re not going to say to your spouse,

“Honey, I love you because love is a principle. And I am doing my duty to love you because love is a principle.”

Don’t do that.

Don’t do that. Love is a principle with an emotional component.

Be passionate about your spouse!

Be passionate spiritually. Be passionate physically. Be passionate.

Exodus 27, verse 20. The Bible says,

Thou shall command the children of Israel that they bring the pure olive oil beaten for the light to cause the lamp to burn always.

The fire was to be burning tamid, meaning Always.

Always. Don’t let the fire die out.

Song of Solomon. Chapter 8

Set me as a seal upon my heart. As a seal upon the heart of an arm for love as strong as death and jealousy. As cool as a grave. The coals thereof are coals of fire, which has a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love.

That’s the whole point. Guys, don’t let the fire of your passion for one another die out.

Again, substitution comes into play here.

What does my spouse like you remember before you got married, how you would always make yourself look good before you saw your spouse?

You you cared about your appearance.

You cared about what you were presenting. But when you get married you should still treat your spouse. Impress your wife, your husband. Don’t, just let yourself go.

Be passionate with one another.

Take care of yourself.

Treat each other how you treat each other before you got married.

Think of those ways in which you are like, man. You know what I want? I want to be my best for my spouse.

Be romantic. Continue the flowers. Continue the dates.

Don’t let the fire go out. Proverbs twenty six verse twenty says,

Where there is no wood. The fire goes out.

If you’re not fueling the passion. If you’re not fueling that experience, the fire is going to go out.

Don’t let the romance die. Fan the flame.

For many of us, the candlestick is not working. Because the altar of incense went out, and because the table of shewbread went out. And because the altar of sacrifice isn’t working and because the laver isn’t working.

Many want the candlestick and nothing else.

We want everything to be right physically, but we don’t care that we’re not romancing or we’re not, you know, communing with one another or we’re not fellowshipping or we’re not forgiving.

We expect things to be right physically simplybecause we’re married.

Well, it doesn’t work like that. I hope you’re listening. I hope you’re catching this in order for you to have at-one-ment.

Every article of furniture in the sanctuary must be working and they must be working simultaneously (tamid).

It is a daily thing, not a weekly thing. Not a monthly thing. Not a yearly thing.

It must be something that happens daily. Read carefully.

Daniel Chapter 8, verse eleven. The Bible speaks of this little horn power and this little horn power is an antichrist, anti-sanctuary entity.

And I want you to notice what it says about the little horn in Daniel 8:11. It says

Ye He magnified himself even to the prince of the holes, and by him the daily (tamid) was taken away and the place of his sanctuary cast down.

Tamid, that’s the word there, tamid.

What does Satan want to do?

He wants to take away the daily.

You guys, I hope you are catching this.

He knows that if the daily is working in our relationship, we’re going to have atonement and he doesn’t want that between us.

So what he does is he attempts to take away the daily. How? Using the busyness of life. By making you believe you don’t have time for the daily. You don’t have time to put into the marriage. You don’t have time to put in the passion. You don’t have time to put into forgiveness. You don’t have time to put into a fellowship.

“I’m busy.”

“I’ve got to take care of this. And you’re taking care of that.”

And what begins to happen to love is that the daily is taken away. And when the daily is taken away, the sanctuary is cast down.

Many of us are living marriages that are cast down. Because the daily has been taken away.

Beloved, listen to me. Don’t let Satan take away the daily.

Don’t let him take away that daily passion, that daily love, that daily self-sacrifice, that daily forgiving, that daily washing away that daily fellowship. Don’t let him do that because if the daily is taken away. The sanctuary is cast down.

You need to put time into the fire, time into the communication, time into the fellowship, time into the self, sacrifice, love. Love requires time. If you’re not putting time into marriage it won’t last. Are you following me?

When the daily is taken away, the sanctuary is cast down and the little horn of trials and tribulations begin to have dominion over your relationship.

So now times have changed.
Satan wants to change times in your marriage.

“When we first got married, it was like, oh, but now times have changed.”

Why? Because the daily has been taken away.

So watch this.

If the altar sacrifice is working, if the laver begins to work, if the fellowship begins to work. If the communion begins to work. If the passion begins to work.

Guess what?

You are now about to enter into a most holy place relationship.

A Most Holy Place Relationship

The covenant resided in the Most Holy Place.

The law was written on the heart. Hebrews 10:16 says,

This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, say the Lord. I will put my laws into their hearts and in their minds when I write them and their sins, iniquities will I remember no more.

What does it mean when the law is in your mind?

Let me tell you what it means. It means you no longer have to look. To remember what the law says.

It’s now in your mind, meaning it has become a part of you.

If the law is love, then basically what God is saying is I want love to become reflexive. You produce it without thinking. It’s automatic.

It’s written in your mind.

God wants us to love one another so much that it is now reflexive to be self-sacrificing. It is reflexive to be forgiving. It is reflexive to have fellowship. It is reflexive to commune each other. It is reflexive to have passion.

This is what a most holy place relationship is. It’s when it becomes natural.

It becomes second nature.

The Bible says in 1 John 4 8,

He that loveth not, knoweth not God foris love.

ROMANS 13:10

Love work is no ill to his neighbor. Therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law.

Love for God is God in the heart.

When the law is written in the heart, who is written in the heart?

God.

Because God is a manifestation of the law. So when the law is in your heart, God is in your heart.

Listen, the most holy place relationship with God is when God himself is written in the heart. I no longer need to look at the law. It is reflexive. That’s why it says, when I write my laws on your heart, you’re no longer under the old covenant. Under the old covenant, you had to look.

When it’s written in the mind, it is reflexive. It’s a part of you.

I become so closely identified with my spouse that it is as if we are one.

At-one-ment occurs.

Just like Jesus said in John 17:21

That they may be one as thou father art one in me, and I in thee that they may also be one in us, that the world may be the that has sent me.

She is in my heart and I am in her heart. And what happens is that we become one.

I become so closely connected with my spouse that we are as one. I’m not saying you’re the same person. I’m simply seeing you have become so close that atonement has occurred.

The sacrifice is reflexive. Forgiveness becomes reflexive. Passion becomes reflexive. Fellowship becomes reflexive. Communication becomes reflexive. Love is reflexive.

This is what God is calling us to. This is what atonement means in marriage.

It doesn’t mean you’re not going to have issues. It means you have a way of dealing with those issues and you have a way of cleansing the sanctuary from any issue that would bring separation between you.

Do you know how to cleanse the sanctuary? That’s the problem. Many of us don’t know how to cleanse the sanctuary.

We don’t know how to get the sanctuary working. We don’t know how to make it so that each article of furniture in the sanctuary is working. And the reason we don’t know might be because we never even saw the sanctuary like this.

Now you know how to use the sanctuary to troubleshoot. You can use it to audit your marriage.

And you may need to go step by step until it becomes locked in your mind.

Ephesians 5:31 tells us this,

For this cause, shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto be and to his wife and they too shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Beloved, what I’m telling you is nothing more than the gospel. This is how Jesus works to win back His bride.

This is how Jesus fixes the marriage problem between He and his bride. And He’s saying you can use the same thing.

Most marriages fail because the two never became one or the one became too.